Geez I am so sorry. I have these parents too. They loved and beat everything that was dependent on them. It's the seesaw of wanting love and then hating the responsibility of maintaining those who love you. I think neurodivergence as in ASD/ADHD plays a part because they are always undiagnosed something. They struggle to keep up the false facade and rage as the unfairness of their lives. But as you said the project. The extremes of genetics become the extremes of echoism and narcissism. My guess is you are an echoist.