I had a mother who had 4 under 5yo. As her oldest child I can tell you the secret. We were all parentified to care for her. The older two were neurodivergent and highly sensitive. They got hit more. The younger two were much closer to normal and they were Idealized. Average kids are easier to raise. They don't need as much 1:1 attention. The system does a lot more work for you. I have three kids all outliers with huge age gaps. This is how I made it work. Your kid is probably more sensitive. Don't beat yourself up. This is just how it is.