Your child did die. This is suicide with out a physical death. You don't get it. They never felt loved or seen by you. I have this with my father. He would write something similar. You care more about optics then you do about knowing your child. You have been conditioned out of your sensitivity and your child can't be. They need to be away from you. You seem to see doing as love. It's not. Love is seeing, knowing and understanding. You are following the path laid by your generation. You did your duty. But you were not a father. If this is your oldest you were too strict. If this was your youngest you provided no boundaries. If this was your middle then it's because you didn't see them. Your sensitivity is not enough and you keep harming them because you can't see them.
A child does not want to let a parent go. They do so because having a relationship causes more pain than not. Don't reach out. You are a bull in a china shop.